My Generation

Old people rock.

There's this one lady at my church who tries to kiss me every week. It's kind of creepy and disgusting, but she is one of the sweetest ladies who is genuinely concerned about my life. I always feel cared about when I talk with her. The kiss is awkward. At least it's a dry kiss though....

But seriously though, I have gone from going to a university geared church to a congregation with about 75% oldies. The music is ghastly, but at least it's genuine. Nothing is cooler than seeing those older saints raising their hands to 'It is Well With My Soul'. They don't care that the piano player couldn't keep time even if someone was hitting her head in metronome time, they're there to connect with God. I wish I had that.

Which brings me to Elim Tabernacle, here in Saskatoon. I arrived for soundcheck at 8 am Sunday morning for Special Ensemble. At 8:15, some older folk were channeling into the smaller auditorium for a service that is geared for them. You could hear their resounding voices as they sang about 4 hymns... for people who live on respirators, they really know how to belt it out.

That got me to thinking. Their theology rules. Mine, not so much. For most of my life, my musical or 'worship theology' has been based on songs like:

Shout to the Lord, all the earth let us sing..... etc, etc.
and
As the deer panteth for the water, so my soul longeth after thee....

While these may be good songs in themselves for worship, they really don't teach the theology that old hymns do. Check these out:

My hope is built on nothing less
Than Jesus' blood and righteousness
I dare not trust the sweetest frame
But wholly lean on Jesus' name

On Christ the solid Rock I stand
All other ground is sinking sand
All other ground is sinking sand

Or....
When peace, like a river attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul

Or....
Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing thy grace
Streams of mercy, never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise

This is some deep stuff. Rather than abstract thoughts, hymns profess a cognitive understanding of who God is, what He's done for us, and what we are using as our foundation of faith.

In the past generation of worship music, we have shifted from focusing on God, to focusing on worshiping God (e.g. I will (or may, or could, or might) worship... with all of my heart..... vs. My Jesus, I love thee, I know thou art mine... for thee all the follies of sin I resign- the hymn doesn't talk about motives to worship, it dives in and tells Jesus how cool He is). That's a little dangerous, don't you think?

Don't get me wrong, songs like "I will worship" can really be beneficial in creating an invitation to worshiping God, but when that's all we're singing, are we getting any of that theological "meat" that we need so that we're not still baby Christians 5 years from now?

We are living in a post modern culture where presentation is everything. If the music sucks, and that's all the worship really means to you (pleasing to the ears) your church will be empty.

But when people see that you are worshiping God, it makes His presence irresistable. People can't resist getting into that presence, and nothing will stop them from entering in.

Get your heads out of your arses on Sunday mornings! That music ain't for your listening pleasure. If the bass player screws up, the song I remains about God [have mercy on the poor bass player!](and if you're all about the worship, you probably won't even notice that there is music) It's time for you to connect with God and tell him that Jesus is the only reason that you deserve to even be alive. Older generations realize this.

IF WE REALIZED THE IMPORTANCE OF CHRIST CENTERED, GENUINE, AUTHENTIC WORSHIP; INSTEAD OF ME CENTERED WORSHIP, OUR CHURCHES WOULD BE FULL.

This is Worship in a nutshell:
It's about worship theology. Cosmic and personal story, people.

Cosmic- God saved humanity by Christ redeeming us
Personal- you are a part of 'us'

See? No thrashing guitars, no pimpin' drums (the thought of right-motived musical excellence is not anything to write off for the sake of true worship though. Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater, just have the right motives). It's just you and God. Can you handle that? It's pretty extreme for me. God's a big dude, He could take me, no problem. I have a hard time grasping that. Especially on Sunday morning, when I'm thinking about strangling that pianist, instead of worshiping (God, give me the right motives).

Respect those older saints. They have a lot stored up in their noggin's, and they'll share it with you if they're not senile yet. They know about singing "it is well with my soul" (or blessed be your name for our generation). They've been through the struggles of life, they've found some of the answers to those questions that we've been asking ourselves. They don't deserve to have to be stored away in a tiny chapel, segregated from the rest of their church family at 8:15 every Sunday, just because they prefer some good solid theology to spiritual 'fluff' (let's face it, some of it is shite).

Respect your elders, you'll be one someday, and hopefully half as Spiritual as some of the ones I've met.

That's it for today!

My Job-itis

Late night, come home
work sucks, I know.....

oh that anthem is ringing in my ears tonight....
Sometimes you just reach a point in your job where you don't know if it's worth staying there, you know? Tonight was officially the night from hell!!!!!! Well, I suppose the days preceeding to it were probably large factors as well. Let's recap the weekend, shall we?

Friday night- work a 5-1, things went pretty well, I was a little tired when I got home, but that's to be expected. Looking forward to a nice 2-10 shift tomorrow...

Saturday night- Christina (aka Tony Danza) hurt her back, and couldn't work in the kitchen, so me, being the nice girl I am, traded my killer 2-10 shift for another 5-1 (though I asked for it to be 4-12 since I had other early plans Sunday morning... they rejected me, and let me know about 2 hours before my shift was to start... grrr). So saturday night was long. I hate making sandwiches. Especially when it's two days in a row. They suck. They will always suck. Blech! Yes... and after that, let's go into 4 straight hours of cooking. YUCK!

Pan to tonight.....
My alarm was set for 6:55 am this morning. Why, you ask? Special Ensemble at Elim. Yes. It was a good time. I enjoyed it. But a little lacking in sleep. NIGHT FROM BLOODY HELL. There's usually 3 of us on. Well not tonight. Someone was sick, so there were to of us, leaving me to do the work of an entire other shift, along with mine. AGGGHH! It was warm out today. Warmth plus snow equals MUD. All over the floor, which means that I have to mop them every 20 minutes... not to mention, it was BUSY AS HELL TONIGHT!!!!

sorry for the ranting people.
the moral of the story: I hate my f***ing job!

My Bargain

Ok, yesterday, I mentioned the awesomeness of Big Shiny Tunes 3, right? Well, my favorite band on that album would just happen to be the Foo Fighters, fronted by the awesomeness that is David E. Grohl. Yes. He is awesome to the supreme.

So I was at CD Plus with Nicole and Piper, and lo and behold, The Colour and the Shape is on sale for TEN BUCKS! how cool is that? I specifically even said to myself on Friday night that I should download that album so I could listen to it at work. Well, no need, people! I am now the proud owner (for the second time) of one of the greatest albums known to mankind!

On another note, Nicole and I took Daniel Piper shoe shopping. All he owned before were these hideous Nike shoes that were purple and black, and they had a hole in the toe. It was distracting me... horribly. Terribly. So I thought I would do a civil service and be his personal shoe associate for the day. Nicole and I escorted him to Wal-Mart at Confederation Mall, and we picked out a lovely pair of snappy dress shoes, and some cool black skater shoes. He looks a million times better! So that said and done, it's 1:30, and I have a soundcheck at 8 in the morning. I should go to bed...

Night!

My Random Thoughts

Thought #1:
I need to get some keys for my room. I have no keys. It's retarded. The story behind this incidence is that I moved from room 205 the first day I returned to school into a lovely suite across the hall (206). Now, when my new roommate returned, apparently the room made a loud gurgling sound, which I couldn't hear, so I had to take her word for it, so again, I moved all my things across the hall into room 207, where I am currently residing. I returned my keys to 205, and got the one for 206, but have just been to lazy to trade keys for my actual room. It's sad, isn't it? It doesn't really matter anyway, since there are only 2 other girls on my floor, one of them is here a lot, and I'm good friends with her, and the other girl doesn't really even talk to me. So no big deal, right?

Except the girls downstairs. They're really nice, and very friendly, and I don't mind having them hang out in here. In fact, it's quite the joy. But it is really annoying when it's like 12:30, and I'm fast asleep in my bed, and they come barging in to look for something in my roommate's closet. I thought it was a rare occurance, and they got the hint from the malicious glare I was giving to not ever disturb my slumber... ever! Well, I guess I thought wrong. Napping again this afternoon... what happens? More barging in. And it's not like they do the polite thing and not bother me, they just carry on with their business in our room, only whispering (and when I say whispering, it's actually a loud wisper... louder than their normal speaking voice). So I am thoroughly annoyed. Now I find that they may actually be coming in here while Erin and I aren't even at the school. Ok, Erin may not find anything wrong with this, but I own a lot of expensive equipment. I know that they're not so disrespectful as to abuse it, but accidents happen, and it's easier to let me think that my brand new $800 guitar got that dent from the wind blowing through the window, rather than fess up. Or... my DVD drive always smokes when it runs. Please, I'm not THAT gullible. So yeah, I decided to lock the door while I was away at work tonight (Nicole has the master key for the dorm, since she's the RA), only to find that one of them had contacted Erin so that they could gain access to our room. That's fine. Nicole let her in, I would have too, and given them the same stipulation she did: close the fucking door when you're done! And I'm sure you guessed it- they didn't. GRRRRRRR!

So all this said and done, I'm going on Monday to get a key. And I'll be locking my door when I'm napping from now on.

Thought #2:
At work tonight, I listened to an old favorite CD. Big Shiny Tunes may be shitty now, but #3 was a good album just check out some of the tracks:
Ava Adore by Smashing Pumpkins
The Way by Fastball
My Hero by the Foo's
Closing time by Supersonic
A Friend in Need by Placebo (ok, that's not really a good song, but the words are funny)
3 MC's and 1 DJ by The Beastie Boys
One Week By BNL
Apparitions by Matthew Good Band
How's It Gonna Be by Third Eye Blind
Money City Maniacs by Sloan
Fly by Lenny Kravitz
Push It by Garbage
That Song by Big Wreck
Iris by Goo Goo Dolls

Good tunes. They say that music you heard from when you were 15-25 will always be 'the best' to you in your whole life. I think that cd came out when I was 14, but I think it still counts.

And you'd better believe that I cranked it for My Hero ;).

Thought #3:
Insurance Sucks Monkey Balls.
My car is going to cost $1600 to fix. I got it assessed, and I got the papers finally! But that much? The labor was twice as much as the parts!!!! AHHHH!

Which reminds me, I need to call that bastard who hit me. He hasn't answered his phone like the last 3 times I've called. I'm trying to be fair, because I know he works nights at some pizza joint. So tomorrow may be d-day. Then I'll call the insurance company. OH YEAH!

Thought #4:
I miss Brett. The last 2 weeks before I go home always seem longer than the previous ones.

Thought #5:
Classes need to start later in the morning. Getting up at 7:45 to get ready for class, and not getting home from work until 1:15 is one hell of a long day.

That said, it's time to go to bed. Maybe I won't be so bitchy tomorrow. I'm not promising anything, though!

My Coincidence

Ok, things are very strange 'round here lately. They seem to be flowing into eachother, and things just coincidentally just keep being brought up. I know, people don't believe in coincidences anymore... how about divine coincidences? That sounds cool. I'll stick to that.

Let me give you some examples:
A friend of mine asks for advice about a topic. I have no idea how to help them. I start taking Intro to Counselling and slowly, class by class, I'm starting to learn some of the answers.

Don't believe me yet, eh?

Pentateuch class:
a) Theistic Evolution is a paradox, because the concept of death did not occur until Adam sinned. Thus, how could millions and millions of years go by with all this death and transformation? The coincidence? Brodie brings it up constantly (well, I brought it up last time, because I was mesmerized by it)

b) On Tuesday and Thursday's classes, we talked about gender roles and marriage in a Biblical model of family. Hopefully Brett doesn't mind me saying this, but we ended up discussing the same thing the other day...

Issues in Worship Leadership class:
You know the My God is not a credit card post? That's exactly what we've been discussing in class.

and today: Introduction to Counselling:
Talking about conscious and subconscious behavior, Mrs. Antle brings up that women have a tendancy to blow things out of proportion, and men will see them as a tiny compartmental part of the big picture, which shouldn't offend the women anyway. Women then begin to overanalyze and make a big deal of it, and the guys are oblivious that anything is even going on.

I'll have to give credit to Brett for this next part, he was the one who emailed me the joke.
So here it is:

Roger and Elaine
Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''

And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence.

She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . .I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . .so that means it was . .let's see . .February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . lemme check the odometer . .Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their . . .

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud.

''What?'' says Roger, startled.

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . . Oh God, I feel so . . . '' (She breaks down, sobbing.)

''What?'' says Roger.

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger.

''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says.

''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer.

''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

''Yes,'' he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)

''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says.

''What way?'' says Roger.

''That way about time?'' says Elaine.

''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.''

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

''Thank you, Roger,'' she says.

''Thank you,'' says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''

THINGS ARE CONFUSING!!!!! WHY ARE THEY ALL RELATED SOMEHOW...

Well, I do know that typing in all caps isn't going to solve anything....

until next time, people!

My Paranoia

So today, after class, I decided to watch a movie instead of reading my Pentateuch book by L. Thomas Holdcroft (see My Dislike to hear my opinion of the book).

I remember watching A Beautiful Mind for about half an hour when it first came out on DVD with my parents, but if memory serves me correctly, Becca came over, and we proceeded to head out to Oak Lake for some good times with the intial members of what would soon be O.L.B.A.D. I had also tried to watch it last Saturday after i watched The Italian Job and after I saw a Blades game with Nicole and Jordan. So yeah. A two and a half hour movie usually doesn't get finished if you start watching it at like one in the morning.

So yeah, assuming this is one of those 'everyone but you has seen this, you fool!' movies I'm going to blab on about it without reservation, assuming that I won't be hurting too many people's feelings by ruining the movie for them. I thought it was pretty amazing, and as much as I don't like Russel Crowe, he is a brilliantly talented actor. He really played his part so well that I would venture to say that this is a preemptive makeup for Master and Commander. Oh, that movie was awful. But back to the good movie.

It's about this math genius guy who has schizophrenia, and is convinced that the CIA or DOD or some acronymic entity has hired him in the states to figure out codes in American periodicals from the Russians who are plotting to plant a bomb or something. That part's not really important. You just have to know that he's crazy. So anyway, he ends up in a mental institution and discovers that moments in his life had never really happened-- he was imagining them! How horrible. So his world gets turned upsidedown, and his wife stays by him for years and years until he finally figures out how to ignore all these delusions he's seeing, and he can go back to teaching math or figuring out some equation that only Brett would understand. He almost drowns his infant son in there somewhere as well. I'd probably be able to tell it better if I had seen it twice. But I'm not going to sit through it again just to appease the viewing audience of my blog.

So, like most things, this movie got me thinking... Brett likes math... he talks about people I've never met... just kidding. That's not what I was really thinking, but I suspect I had you going there for a while.

It actually got me thinking about how horrible it would be to experience something like that. Mental illnesses have been given such a bad rep. It's like you're no longer socially normal anymore if you have a chemical imbalance in your brain. Does that make sense? Not to me. Last October or November, this guy came and spoke in chapel about mental illness in the church. He was amazing. He suffered from bi-polar disorder (maybe it's a disease, I'm not too sure) and had been discriminated against because of it. Listen up! Especially Christians reading this. Mental illnesses are not demon provoked, and people don't get them because they don't have enough faith. They shouldn't be treated like lepers, and they are definitely capable of functioning in the church when they are given a chance. In the movie, Russel Crowe's character (John Nash)'s colleague decided to pay him a visit while he was recovering. Nash was cracking jokes at his friend's expense, and had actually normalized that he was crazy. The saddest part of that scene is that his colleague's 'partner in crime' refused to visit John because he was afraid he'd put on some public display and strip naked or do a voodoo dance at him or something. I don't think that would have been the case here.

I was in my Intro to Counselling class on Wednesday, and I learned that statistically, 25% of the population (i.e. 25/100 people) will carry 75% of all mental illnesses. That's insane. Who is reaching out to these people to offer the only hope that Jesus can offer? I know that aversion therapy is fun to talk and fantasize about, but really, when a person suffers from depression, they don't want to take medication that forces them to feel happy, do they? The general consensus of people that have taken antidepressants is a resounding 'hell no!' These people may not realize it, but Christ is knock-knock-knockin' on their door. Who knows, maybe Jesus could supernaturally heal them, and they would no longer suffer the prison that is mental illness!

Mental illness sucks because it is all up there, upstairs in your brain, and no one can see it. For all they know, you could be faking it to get some attention. But you could outright lie and tell someone that you have cancer, skip work to go to the bar, and then simply tell people you went to chemotherapy, and you'd get all the sympathy cards and fruit trays you could imagine. I for one have decided to have more compassion for the mentally ill. Please educate yourself about these diseases and disorders. These people need Jesus too!

Click Here To Learn More! lol

My Goodness!

The Birthday Boy

Well, it's the 27th. Happy Birthday to Brett, Tessa, Angie, and about 6 million other people who share your birthday! Hopefully you all make sure that you're #1 today!!!!

Love,
Terrin

My Dilemma

Ok, so I am grieving.

My favourite pair of jeans ripped tonight. Right below my right butt cheek. They're ruined. I'm so sad. How could I have not seen this happening? They were getting so soft because of the wear that they had on them. Those faded parts were battlescars that were true until the very end. They're not even salvageable. You know, like if you accidentally rip your pants, you turn them into shorts, or capris. Not these ones. They'll be retired, and hopefully be inducted posthumously into the Denim Hall of Fame, right next to Enrique's dark stone-washed flares.

WHY??!?! Why didn't I take better care of those jeans? I mean, did I really have to sit on them so much? maybe if I had given up my seat to some old guy and stood instead of being lazy, this never would have happened....

Oh, blue denim painter jeans.... this incident reminds me of a certain song by Fastball that encompasses my monumental feelings of remorse. It goes a little like this:

Was I out of my head? was I out of my mind?
How could I have ever been so blind?
I was waiting for an indication
It was hard to find
Don’t matter what I say only what I do
I never mean to do bad things to you
So quiet but I finally woke up
If you’re sad then it’s time you spoke up too

You definitely spoke up tonight. I heard it loud and clear. But did it really have to get so bad? You could have said something over the nice dinner we had before this nasty ordeal, or when we went on that romantic walk down the back alley behind the school. Why does it have to end like this?

WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!???!?!?!?

I love you, blue denim painter jeans. I'll always remember you, and no jeans will ever be as loyal to me as you have been. But I must move on.... *single tear*

My God is Not a Credit Card

On my way home from hangin with my brother-in-law tonight (Arby's and Ocean's 12 night! Woo!), I passed a sign that said something like "Searching for the Truth? You can find it in Spiderman, shop at Al's comic store!" It was similar to that, I kid you not. Not even one word of a lie.

And that got me to thinking. What is truth to people who don't understand God? Is God just some guy from the Wish Come True Foundation, here to grant our every wish without consequence? God doesn't really work that way, does He? The Creator, The Alpha and Omega, The guy who sent His kid to die for me is submitting to my every fleshly and earthly selfish desires? Not bloody likely.

Let's get it straight here. God is NOT a credit card, whom we can ask to help us out when we're facing a little hardship. His grace is what He is really offering us. God has not called us to live a life of perfection, but we were created for the purpose of worshiping Him. Did you know that everyone worships something? Some people choose that fat guy sitting in the lotus position, a lot of people worship money (and are so obsessed with it that they ignore the things that are really important), some people worship sex, some people worship sports, and some people worship their jobs (for some bizarre reason). It's nothing that we can resist. It will happen. If you're sitting there at you desk thinking "I don't worship anything," then you are full of shit. Yes, shit. God designed us to be dependant on Him. Some of us are running from it, and a lot of us are in denial.

I'm one of those people. Yes, Terrin, who goes to Bible College, sings songs about Jesus to little kids every Thursday night, and writes papers on sovereignty and gives presentations on generational worship in the church.

Let's face it. It's easier to live and think what you're doing is the right thing, and that God thinks it's ok. Really? Does God think it's ok when I don't do my devotionals, or pray that often? No. I'm pretty sure He's pissed. But when I super-sorry about something, I seem to think it's ok to approach God like the worm that I am, and ask for forgiveness. Is that even allowed? Yeah, but it's if-y. I can tell that God is giving me those 'mom eyes' that we've all experienced in our youth from our forgiving (but frustrated) mothers.

The truth is that I've decided to be one of those people who is dependant on God. Doing anything else is proving to be much more difficult (much like trying to fit those shapes into the hole of those tupperware balls... you know, the red and blue ball with yellow shapes). I mean, am I really worshiping God with my life? Really?

No. That 20 minutes I give on Sunday morning doesn't really even out the rest of the week. Especially if I'm not really into it because I feel like I'm not getting anything from it. Worship is not for the purpose of receiving. It's giving credit where it is due. You know... that whole creator and redeemer thing that God has going on. That's what our worship is about. To quote my least favorite class last semester, "If what transforms emotions into worship is the quickening of the heart's affections, then true worship cannot be expressed as a means to some other end." Translation: We don't worship God to get stuff, we worship Him because we love Him. Worshiping really hard during chapel is not going to coerce God into giving me that extra shift at work next week that I really need. Wrong motives, Terrin.

Just remember this: Worship = giving... NOT receiving.

So here's the altar call... God, I'm sorry for doing that. Sorry I am such a selfish fool who has my own selfish desires in mind instead of Your kingdom. Help me get things in gear and to keep accountable to it.

Amen.

My Dreams

Last night I had a dream that Arnold Schwarzenegger asked to borrow my guitar...

What was my response? I told him to be careful, because it leaks sometimes. And off he went.

I have seriously messed up dreams. I mean, I haven't thought about Arnold... ever. No, I don't really think I've had fleeting thoughts of Arnold Schwarzenegger in my entire life. You'd think that maybe I'd dream about something to do with work, or MSN, or perhaps something to do with Brett, but nope. Arnold.

Someone please tell me I'm normal. Tell me what it all means!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Anyway, I'm sure someone will analyze it and have me committed. I guess that's it for right now.

I'll Be Back!

My Ode To Big Sisters

The Howes Family

So this is my big sister's family. If you look at my sister a little closer, you'll see that there's another one on the way. My sister Leslee is a mom to one big sister, and one big sister to be. Tae and Jo are the coolest girls on the planet. They love to play games with dolls, on the bunk beds at my parent's place (Grampa and Gramma's), and they especially like playing with their Auntie Terrin. But that's not what this post is about.

My big sister is quite possibly the best you could ask for. I have tons of fond childhood memories with Les. She used to take me to places that she babysat at, take me out for ice cream, to the local pool. You know, all that 'aww shucks' childhood-type stuff. Then I became a teenager. I don't think I jived well with many in my family during my first years... probably those 'changes' that all girls go through, lol. But it seems as though I've been forgiven for it. During that time, when I was 12, Les gave birth to Taelin. It was so exciting, I still remember waking up the morning after she was born. It was better than Christmas! I got to babysit Taelin for about the first 3 years of her life... except the first few months. I was still pretty jittery with such a new baby, and it likely wasn't the prudent thing to do to leave her alone with me. But as I matured, I came to love babysitting Taelin.

After Les paired up with Lynt and moved out of dodge, I was quite sad and lonely without them... until I discovered that there's nothing better than escaping home to go visit them. Leslee was always excited to have me come visit, and we always did fun stuff together, and she'd always prod about my newest crush. I have tonnes of good memories staying at their place.

After I moved away from home to Brandon, it then became my turn to have Leslee over. She came to stay with Becca and I for a few days when Breyan gave birth to Jace. It was fun. She met all these friends she'd heard so much about, prodded me more about my current crush, and told Mike that he was a retard... or something like that. Becca could probably tell the story better, because I had to work during that incident.

But yes, she is now getting ready for child #3 to be born, and thus the cycle will continue as Tae and Jo enjoy the responsibility of bigsisterhood. But don't fret, people, they have an awesome example to learn from!

I love you Les!

My Dislike

I strongly dislike a book called The Pentateuch by L. Thomas Holdcroft.

Each chapter is approximately 12 to 24 pages long. I have 10 chapters left of the 19 in the book, and there are about 2 weeks left to read it. Finishing the book may very well be my demise. I'm fairly positive that the author of the book had a razorblade to his wrists while he was writing it, as it is so boring, he must have wanted to inflict some bodily harm.

But I will remain steadfast. I will hopefully finish the book before it's due date, and then continue on to write a 9 page paper about God's sovereignty in the Old Testament. Nine pages. How the heck am I supposed to manage that?

Anyways, to change gears a little bit, if you are of that age where you're trying to figure out what to do with the rest of your life, you should come out to college connection at the beginning of Feb (especially Karyn and Felicia). You can stay in my cool room, check out all my cool classes, and even admire my cool computer in all its majesty. And I promise, I don't have Pentateuch classes while you're here, so go for it, CPC is definitely a place worth checking out.

Anyway, if you would like info on it, it's on my school's website. I don't remember the exact address, but you can google it pretty easily.

That's it for right now, I guess.

My Google-Whacking

k, I realize that this is my third post for the day, but this is too damn exciting!!!!!

Anyway, let me tell you 2 nerdly secrets about me.
1. You can name just about any country in the world, and I will be able to tell you it's capital.
2. I love google-whacking. I know. The term sounds a little perverted and confusing. But it's probably not even close to what your dirty little minds are thinking about.

Google-whacking is a game. A nerd game, at that.
In this game, you use www.google.com and enter 2 words that are contained in the english dictionary. The point of the game is to have these two words only bring up one website result (known as a 'google-whack', hence, the game's moniker has been fulfilled).

It's extremely difficult, and there is a reference site to use to see if it's a true 'whack' or not, but I never play by the rules, and consider one website result a bona fide win, no matter what they say.

Here's some wins I've found for me:
Hermeneutical Gleuteus
Homologoumena Potato
Antilogoumena Diarrhea
Platypus Pseudepigrapha
Demythologization Benzoate
Dispensational Arachnoid
Proselyte Potassiums
Deuterocanonical Geraniums

Nicole helped with some of these, so I offer credit where it is due ;-).

One way to tell whether these words are true dictionary words is to look up at the words in the right hand corner after you do a google search. If they are hyperlinked in blue text, you have a word. If they're in black, they ain't in the google dictionary, thus you don't have a whack.

My tips for trying Google-Whacking:
1. Use one really big, obscure word, then add something completely opposite, and usually simple to go with it. Biblical words that no one has ever heard of seem to be quite easy for me.

2. If you get a result with like 4 or 5 pages, try adding 's', or '-ing' to the end of your words, it will narrow the search down a little.

Now, if you haven't been able to tell that I'm a hyper-nerd, then I have great pity for you. Please realize that I'm just trying to be myself, and in turn, I won't tease you when I find out about your Igneous Rock collection, or that you listen to Duran Duran, or Yes.

That's it for the day, I hope!
Blessings!

My Infatuation

Ok, well, I think the easiest way to kick off this sort of 'public diary' is explaining my 6^th grade infatuation with this fine specimen. I mean, all girls between the age of 12 and 62 have someone to obsess over, right? Well, thankfully for me, it's not like a psychotic infatuation that requires some sort of admission to some psychiatric institute, and as much as Rebecca loves to analyze me, it's perfectly acceptable to have onlyone thing on my brain.

His name is Brett. His birthtday is in 4 days, and he is quite snexy (snexy= neat+sexy, thankyou, TylerHay's Oxfort Engrish Dictionary). It's been just over 7 months since that jittery night where i was quite positive he was going to ask me out, and there's been no turning back, so to speak. I mean, what's not to like? He's incredibly intelligent, silly and caring. Three characteristics that are a must in my terms.

Seriously, if you ask anyone at the college about my favourite topic, they'll likely tell you that his name is Brett Ramsey. Well, Evan might tell you that it's Led Zeppelin, but it's mostly because I'm trying to prove a point, because Pearl Jam simply cannot be the epitome of rock and roll genres. Mostly I talk about Brett because I want to ward off all of those 'Wedding crazy' type people (that, and the infatuation thing). Nicole and I were talking tonight, and we discovered that even though most people are good at hiding it, you can tell after the first 'one-on-one' with them, they have marriage on the brain.

Don't get me wrong. I have had fantasies since childhood about the soccer mom/white picket fence/ 2.5 children type of stuff, and intend to have all my dreams come true, but right now, it seems kind of nice to 'live in the moment', you know? As cheesy and cliche as it sounds, I very much enjoy using the term 'boyfriend' instead of 'fiance' or 'husband' and I'm willing to wait for as long as it takes to be ready. Who knows, maybe I won't get married until I'm 30, and maybe quite possibly, it will be to someone else (I'm quite happy with Brett, but not everything turns out the way I want it to, so I can't put my whole world and being into our relationship). It's a good thing God is steering this, because at 18, I was positive that there was nothing more to life than my guitar and my future husband. Just ask Becca, she'll tell you!

It could also be because of a 'falling out' I've been experiencing for about the last 3 weeks with my best friend. See, we're about the same age (actually, her birthday is the same as Brett's!), and she fell in love with a wonderful man. They had an amazing apartment together, and it appeared as though they were going to live happily ever after. Well, there were a few bumps in the road, but if you're a realistic person, you'll chew the meat and spit out the bones. Long story short, I get back to school, and find out that they had broken up in the worst way.
I'm heartbroken. I don't know what to do about it. I want to be there to support my friend, but how? I can't condone what she did, not in a million years. It was the most heinous way to break up with such a good match. So what does Terrin do when she doesn't know what to do? Nothing. I've been avoiding talking to her, in fear that it will damage our friendship further, and cause hurt feelings. I love her to pieces, but I'm to the point where I don't feel like even I can trust her. We told each other everything. So now what do I tell her, the truth? Do I lie? How about neither. I can simply put it off for the time being, and address it when I have a better strategy.

So back to Brett. Yes, I really do think about him a lot. This whole distance thing drives me nuts, even though I know it's good for the both of us. Seriously, anyone that can outdo Nicole in Inuendo Chicken should be within at least 100 metres of me.

Anyway, more ideas and thoughts shall be saved for another day, since I appear to be rambling.
Blessings!

My Debut

Apparently these things are highly recommended by Nicole and Eva, and everyone at school is obsessed with them. So we're going to take this for a little bit of a trial run here.

Enjoy!