My Confessions of a Twenty-Something Drama Queen

For starters, today, being August 1st, is my brother Tyler's 27th birthday. Happy birthday, Ty!

So let's skip all the niceties after that and get to the matter at hand.

I don't feel right.

Mystery numero uno:
I am not excited, in any way, by any stretch of the world's imagination to go back to school. Usually by August 1st in my school days, and even last summer, I was giddier than a Christmas ham (whatever that means) to get going back to school. Yes, I am the weirdest person... ever. Back to school shopping was fun, hell, applying for student loans last year was even fun.

But this year, I had this horrible, horrible uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach when I received my back to school packet, when I applied for student loans, when I got my assessment, and when I signed my life away and mailed it to the loans office. Is this normal?

I have always believed that I am doing exactly what I have been called to do. Like, since I was 15, I knew that Bible College was the answer. I was to do it, no questions asked, scathing remarks from those who didn't understand were ignored, and I stubbornly (and hopefully obediently) took affirmative action.

So am I still being obedient, even though my gut is telling me otherwise? Maybe other factors are causing me to feel this way...

-Could it be that I'm going to have to spend another eight lonely months away from home, all alone, complete with frustrations due to to the fact that even though I have proven it many times over, 'the man' still doesn't believe that I, Terrin Hay, am in fact, a mature adult, who has proven over my time after highschool that I am capable of making a variety of decisions over and over again for my well being, simply by using my discresion and personal conscience?
Could it be that I have just become very comfortable in my skin here in Manitoba?
Could it be that I have fallen in love with my summer job and don't really want to give it up?
Could it be that I have fallen in love with a wonderful guy and don't want to be away from him?
Could it be that I have realized (in very poor timing) that I am now going another eleven grand in the hole, and I have some serious questions that involve my involvement in future ministry, with all plausibility being in the air?

To sum some things up.... let's just say I have my doubts about this next year.

Mystery number two
I feel like shit lately. All I want to do is sleep. It's not a depression type sleep... I've had those. It's more like... 'oh my gosh, if I don't get 12 hours of sleep tonight, I will most definitely be a complete zombie tomorrow, complete with pale face and groggy eyes still at 3 in the afternoon.

Mystery number three
I don't know. I just don't feel right. Someone please just tell me it's horomonal... or to suck it up or something. Please!